Just another work day...

So today is the day I've been dreading since she was born almost exactly 12 weeks ago.  It's the day I go back to work.  I am sure when Noelle woke up this morning it was no different than the last three mornings that she went to daycare but it was sure different to me.  Granted, what's the difference in leaving her at daycare for the full days this week and leaving her a daycare and going back work?  Rob asked me this question last night as well and I can't quite pinpoint the difference but I will try.  I can't go see her anytime I want.  Going back to work means no more fun days of just hanging out around the house during the week while Daddy is at work. It's the end of our special time together and from here on out it's just business as usual.    Last night I cried myself to sleep, can't say I've done that in a long time.  Actually come to think of it the last time I might have done that was some time last year when I thought I would never get pregnant, funny how that all comes full circle.  She is changing so quickly and growing up way too fast! Last week I had to put all of her newborn clothes away and it looked a little something like this.  Who cares, they are just clothes right?  NO WAY!  I'm such a sentimental sap that I have a feeling I'm going to be holding on to these for a while.  Most of those clothes were given to me by someone as a gift and I think of that person each time I put them on her.  They are "just clothes" but to me they are the beginning, the beginning of the best thing possible. 

Now is the part where I have to tell you about the judgement and guilt.  Being a working Mom comes with a big heaping plate of both, everywhere you turn someone is trying to dish you up some of it. This is of course, on top of the plate full you have already given yourself daily.  I guarantee you no one dished up that plate to my husband when he went back to work when she was about two weeks old.  Why is that???  For whatever reason our society knows that a huge segment of women work after having kids but it still falls to us to have to feel guilty for that.  Am I some how more responsible to raise her than my husband?  NOPE.  We are both equal partners in this but let me tell you how it is viewed from the outside is definitely not equal.  I commend women who stay at home with their children.  It is the hardest job on the planet.  If I were able to not work I'm still not sure I wouldn't work.  I don't want to be a stay at home mom but I don't want to leave my child, it's a vicious circle!  I've told most of my friends that I wish I were a kangaroo and could just put her in my pouch and take her with me.  Having your child out there in the world is like having a piece of your heart exposed.  Who would ever want to leave this sweet face? 

So that's it, I've got to go get ready.  I've put it all out here for all to see and hopefully that will take some of the edge off today and let me get through.  :-)  Thanks for letting this Mom drone on.  XOXO-Amanda